Gaslit

“I’m sensitive”, yeah I’ve heard that one a billion times

And yes I’m sensitive! I’m highly sensitive, too sensitive, but what you really mean to say

Is that my reaction to your abusive words makes you feel uncomfortable. They make you wish I was more easy to manipulate. The highly sensitive child is your downfall, you’re unyielding one because I know too much, I feel too much, and I talk too much

Surely I’ll be the one to let your perfectly crafted stories and blatant lies out into the open

So you concoct another story, half lie half truth, to cover up what’s not happened yet. And my reputation precedes me before I even hit puberty

So is the life of the scapegoat child of a covert narcissistic mother

How a mother sees her own daughter as “unlovable” yet that daughter loved her more than words could ever say

But you knew that and you used it to your advantage, your egotistical web spinning efforts like an orb weaving brown recluse hybrid

Killing off everyone that gets too close to see enough of you that might care enough to rescue us

You’ve cleverly disguised yourself as some kind of an actual parent… apparently a good one to the people that think they know you you know your flying monkeys

But in fact you’re a heartless blood sucking vampire who gets her narcissistic supply off of your kids and our kids and ruins lives to be explicitly literal

With emotional torment, constant invalidation, the degradation of a sense of self, gaslighting, and kidnapping grandchildren to keep the cycle of your crippling abuse alive

And yes it’s still very much alive in my children’s suffering, their self mutilation, their fear, their constant search for reciprocal love… and constant rejection you give abundantly

but because of your constant humiliation, the way you create confusion, and perpetual oppressive behavior

As far as you being a mom you’re not worthy of the title, you’re not worthy of the children you bore and the ones you stole or the child that you stole them from

The bottom line is that YOU

Kicked me out at 17 and played the victim and declared I ran away

At 18 I was homeless and you instructed me to just call you collect to say I was still alive but that you aren’t going to answer the call or help me in any way. It was a cold winter too in 2006

At 19 you saw me in an abusive relationship and left me there, and then again at 24 and you cut all the roads to freedom off by spreading your BS LIES to my siblings and everyone else

At 25 you offered your help to take one of my kids temporarily that eventually helped you take my kids when you were the one who gave me Percocet from your prescription until I was asking for them the begin with after the birth of my first born child

At 19 you got your narcissistic supply off the fact that I was an exotic dancer rather than lending a helping hand to get out of the bar

You called DCF on me every week for about a year lying and reporting half truths or giving me YOUR DRUGS then reporting me for a drug screen

Because I was blinded by my loyalty you bred in me I never realized it until it was too late

You never came to my Jr High soccer games and the coach actually had to drive me home when you never showed up, you slut shamed me before I was even sexually active and put me on birth control, you shamed me for my eating disorders for my mental health issues you shamed me for highly sensitive nature and you ruined my relationship with my dad because he was trying to rescue me all along.

You’ve shamed me, you’ve never validated my feelings thoughts or existence. My son isn’t cutting himself for attention or to inconvenience you but he is dying inside and you know it so your gut instinct is to have him arrested like he’s some kind of criminal (and he Is to you ) and you treat him as such and throw him in a STATE MENTAL WARD

My daughters are convenient enough as long as they’re medicated so they aren’t in your way… oh yeah you did that to me too

My youngest is your golden child she is gifted and instead of letting her have her glory or letting God have His, you’ve taken that from her as though her gifts are from you… confusing I KNOW!

You know what you are and what you’ve done but you don’t care because you don’t even see any of us as living breathing people, NO! We ARE your narcissistic supply, we are pawns in your little game of WAR for which no one signed up

But I survived even though you told them not to resuscitate me in 2018 after I suffered a brain bleed for these reasons and countless more I will expose the truth NO MATTER WHAT;

Someone has to rescue my children from suffering the same ways that I did, and that way they won’t be in situations like you put me in.

Btw… do you remember when you left me IN THE MIDST OF A HURRICANE a block away from your house after you refused to let me seek shelter in your shed because it would’ve interrupted you taking my kids Because I was finally sober and that was too threatening to you for your intentions were evil! And you never once helped me to get the help I desperately needed and pleaded for… because your motives weren’t pure… they NEVER WERE AND THEY NEVER ARE- FOR ANYONE!

Tell your little flying monkeys and everyone else that you’ve successfully fooled that you’re only using them and that you could’ve never love them because you don’t have capacity. Because that IS THE TRUTH!

Btw you’re also a drug addict too that’s why you neglected me horribly as a child and as a teenager because you were hooked on coke. I guess it is genetic and I’m sure that’s all I got from you— well and a low sense of self worth, low self esteem and a lot of unhealed trauma

Rant over 💋