Toxic Pirouettes

Hold on to what you’ve got

As the world turns and spins intricate pirouettes

You can use me if you’re off kilter if you have the same level of emotional torment as I

If you understand me or say that you do

We can sit here under the stars and daydream that we are the same

Until you do, I will vie for your love as I have done so naturally always

Although it wasn’t you first, but it will be you next

See, I see what you don’t or at least I’m sure I do

That I will scream and plead for you to JUST love me

And you’ll use the spinning universe and my insecurities

To find reasons why you JUST can’t… right now

As I stay and live on pure hope and an idea of whom I thought you are

I’ll never see the monster that dwells within

Because love, I don’t see you

I feel you

I feel the trauma that fills your empty spaces

And it feels so natural, it drains me and spews fire at me

And the danger of it all is so

Like home to me

As the world is spinning and it never gives you one chance

As it throws you again and again into perpetual darkness

I’ll be here because this is love to me

And you don’t know the difference

But I don’t either…

I hope you have enjoyed this poem. It is reminiscent of a time in my life where toxic relationships and abuse ran ramped and I lived in fear. I was always in fear for my life and too afraid of abandonment and rejection to leave.

Yet I knew of the ever present danger of staying and the repercussions of leaving. If someone you love is in a toxic relationship help them get out and protect them. Don’t ask them “ why don’t you just leave?” Help them to leave! Your silence can end up unwittingly condoning the cycle-

Reach out to me if you or a loved one needs advice to get out. There is always hope! Much ❤️

Silence=Death