Ink smears on an otherwise pristine white page, and the empty coffee cup is urging me to refill it now
Trying to find it within myself but to no avail so, the stains and mug stare at me to no end
There’s an alarm going off in the bedroom
or is that in my head?
Acutely aware of a toddler pulling at my shirt and that I’ve lost my coffee cup now
Daydreams are slowly becoming recurrent and never ending nightmares– my memories aren’t fit for photo albums
I guess I never turned off that alarm
GROUND WOMAN! Put your feet in the dirt – too late just disconnect, dissociate for a while
Reminiscing on old times its all cracked up; your memories are incomplete, fragments
not figments though romanticized, not idyllic no fairy tales have room to grow into fruition in this mental ward of a brain
And for the love of Pete, can someone please turn the alarm off?!
I should Pray! No said, “prey” ,No Pray, you’re no longer prey
You’re not there, your here… You’re safe, stay for now, until you can’t leave
Then you can turn the alarms off
I’m perpetually dazed never confused just perplexingly lost
I have it, I don’t have it. I’m getting it, I lost it. Can someone else get it for me for once?
And somewhere there’s toddler screaming and it’s not my child
She’s trying to reset the alarms
God heal me, give me some peace! will you save me… Hello?! Are you still there?
Piece it together to find your peace, you cant save yourself after all
You’re not lost, see
Now go hold your daughter for a little while, kiss her forehead
Wait I don’t hear the alarm going off
Go barefoot in the grass, play peek a boo and breathe
Apply a Band-Aid on the baby’s knees finish it off with a kiss
we’ll heal together, my child my inner child and me
Stay in the warm embrace, you’re allowed to feel it.
Really feel it and stay here in the moment, these precious moments
The present is priceless, a present from God to allow you to rest
The screaming child looks to you You look to God, and then, you finally you heal from the inside out
I’ll explain more later after Gracie gets a bath and goes to bed. So stay tuned for a later post to take a deeper look into the rants that make up this poem with me. Thanks for reading!
Family and Faith 💖 