Let me count the ways, that God has been so so good to me…
So, you’ll the back story to understand this one. So, if you didn’t already see it in my ‘A Little About Me’, I am a very grateful recovering addict. I have a month over three years clean and sober, I am married, and my hubby and I have a beautiful little spitfire of a daughter. Before this, though, I was with my very first boyfriend for ten years and we have a boy and two girls together. They are now twelve, ten, and eight , and are so amazing! I have to admit that I have missed out on A LOT of their lives unfortunately. My mother was very ready to take them when she had made a million calls to DCF herself to create confusion, and eventually got me a mandate to take methadone and my children taken from me. If I had never even tried to take any of her percocets that she always was trying to give me, I would’ve never lost my kids. I tried my darndest to comply with all the instructions given by DCF and I tried to get out of my toxic abusive relationship with my kids’ dad but ultimately I lost. I lost EVERYTHING slowly and in the midst of the grief that ensued with losing my babies and then my failed attempts at getting on with my life and not even knowing how to live like a regular adult, I lost my will to try. I just wanted to die!
A few years went by and I was constantly spending time with my kids, even though I was homeless and barely sober, I was in my kids’ lives even though I was no longer their actual mother. Rather, I was no one’s mother anymore. I was finding out all the lies my mother was telling my children and was piecing it together that this was her calculated and cold plan all along. I was hopeless and homeless and had no idea how get back to the person I once was.
Psalm 40 10-13
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness(D) and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.(E)
11 Do not withhold your mercy(F) from me, Lord;
may your love(G) and faithfulness(H) always protect(I) me.
12 For troubles(J) without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.(K)
Very quickly my sins DID overtake me and my troubles were WERE without number, surrounding me, drowning me. With every shot of heroin, I prayed for God to kill me as a mercy, or save me by His miraculous grace. And by God and God’s grace and mercy, I am healed! God protected me from death and then He rescued me from death. All it takes is accepting Him to come into your heart and spirit so He can do work within your brokenness. It may come fast, some may pray and believe that He’s working for a few years but I promise if you cry out to Jesus he hears you! Cling to Him! Cling to His promises! He will rescue you from the pit of your addiction and you will be made new in spirit and body. If you’re struggling with ANYTHING reach out to me and I will point you to the Savior. I will do what I can to help you and find resources for help. You are precious to God and He’s waiting for you to come home to Him. You are loved, you are valuable and you are worthy of rescuing and delivering. God loves you!
Family and Faith 💖 